Monday, September 28, 2009

Boycotting the Idiom

Several months ago Brian and I were driving up to Portland with a group of friends. An accident occurred about a half mile ahead of us on the freeway when we were almost to our destination and the following came out of my mouth: "Well, I hope it isn't anyone we know."

And then I sat there and thought good and hard about what I had said.

It wasn't very nice.

I hoped it wasn't anyone I knew so that I could simply save myself the trouble of mourning the injury or possible loss of a friend. But whoever was in that wreck was somebody's friend, somebody's kid, somebody's parent. And how would that somebody feel to hear me express my obvious relief that I didn't know their loved one (lucky me)?

My dad pointed out another dumb thing we humans say. I'll be honest with you. Oh, REALLY? Will you? I am so happy and lucky that I would be the one you would decide to be honest with, just for this one instance. I now realize that you have been dishonest with me ever since I have known you (you scoundrel), but since you have prequalified your next statement with this common phrase I will now believe every blessed gem that falls from your lips.

This phrase is particularly dubious when uttered by politicians.

Next, one that is an actual idiom. A revolting phrase that I can't believe civilized people utter. But I say it, you say it, and the Queen of England has probably said it without realizing we were actually calling someone a poop face. The idiom is brown nosing. Think about it. This phrase quite literally means that you've gotten poop on your nose while you were kissing somebody's bottom.

Are you disgusted? You should be.

The saying is not only unflattering for the supposed 'bum kisser' but for the bum kissee as well, especially since we all now know that they didn't do a very good job wiping. And another thing. If someone tried to kiss my derriere I would slap their little shmoozing face. I wouldn't be nicer to them.

I'll be honest with you, I hope the person in that wreck wasn't anyone I know because he must have totally been trying to brown nose the car in front of him.

7 comments:

Chris said...

Scatological.

Madeline and Family said...

I would feel a lot better if I knew that the queen of England used that phrase. I'm with you on the boycotting plus a few more that don't make any sense when people say them (including myself).

Kjersti said...

Abby, I'll be honest with you. I'm loving the new blog look and this last blog. How often have I said things like that without thinking? Alright, honesty overwith. Don't worry about believing anything else I say.

Cody and Jocelyn Pehrson said...

You always bring up such good points on your posts! I love it. Another thought I had while reading this one is that swear words, in general, should also be categorized with all the other idiotic things people say. If you put most of them in a sentence, especially the sentences people choose to put them in, they really don't make much sense.

Abby said...

Jocey, I totally agree. When I was still in school, I heard the F word used so many different ways it blew my mind. Only hardly any of those ways made any sense when you take into consideration what the F word really means. It was like people just needed an excuse to say it and they'd insert it anywhere. Like (insert F word) here, for instance. :)

Abby said...

Madeline,

My reason for thinking that the Queen of England has used the term is that she's probably had a lot of people kiss up to her over the years. Great. I just said 'kiss up'. What the crap does THAT even mean? ;)

Lloyd said...

Let us not forget another one of my favorite idiom's, also known as a waste of breath, time, and words. "As you may or may not know." IIIIDDIOTS!!!!!