Saturday, November 29, 2008

Virtual Reality

I hopped aboard the vampire train and saw, with hundreds of giggling, squealing teenage girls, Twilight. And poor Brian. Poor, poor Brian. He was cringing the whole time. But bless his heart for trying, anyway.



Before seeing the movie, I told Brian I was a little nervous about it, because I have this, well, problem. When I read a great book or see a great movie like Gone With The Wind, Jane Eyre, Casino Royale and (Dare I include this in the same group? Sorry, mom.) Twilight, I get so wrapped up in them I want to be a character in that novel or movie. Scarlet O'Hara, Jane Eyre, and let's just face it, Bella Swan. And I would want to be a Bond Girl, except for the fact that they're always sleeping around and getting murdered in very unusual ways (and I wouldn't want to be murdered in any way at all). Dipped in gold, anyone?


And since I'm on this confessional kick, I will also say that it's usually the men that draw me into these fictional lives. FICTIONAL, ABBY. FICTIONAL. But, oh, that Rhett Butler, that mysterious Mr. Rochester, that dashing James Bond and yes, that blood sucking Edward Cullen. Because apparently blood suckers are hot. Hot like leeches and mosquitoes are hot.

So I was telling Brian, before we saw the movie, that I was a little nervous about seeing it. I said, "Really, honey, I may lose all sense of reality for a few days after watching it." And then he laughed. Oh how cute he thinks I am!

Warning unheeded, we went anyway. As we sat down I thought, "Say goodbye, Brian, to your wife as you knew her."


But, miraculously, nothing happened.

I wasn't hypnotized by Robert Pattinson. It was a miracle. But why?
I think that what snapped me out of total vampiric oblivion were the teeny boppers sitting next to us. They kept bringing me back to reality with their "Oh my GOSH"es and their "He's so cute!"s and their "He's going to kiss her!"s. Not to mention the endless texting, nudging and giggling. Finally, I leaned over to them and said, "HEY! You guys! SHHHH!" But by then it was too late. My reverie was aborted.

But, it's all for the better. Brian still has his regular wife. I have my regular mind.

I do wonder though, if Robert Pattinson has the appeal that Daniel Craig or Clark Gable does. And I just don't know if he does. I have been thinking of some people who may have fared better.


A) Mi Esposo (also my top pick)

B) Hayden Christensen
C) James Franco
So. There you have it. My apologies to mi esposo, my dad, and my brother, who are probably reading this in embarrassment.

And to you teenage girls at the movie theatre, thanks for being so obnoxious. If you weren't, I may very well be sitting staring at a blank wall and foaming at the mouth right now.

18 comments:

cabenelson said...

You may want to check your email for an "updated" photo of Brian...

The Bauers said...

man those are some good lookin pics- hayden would have made a great edward. we had "gigglers" in our movie as well, it was quite annoying. you are too funny, i have felt the same way before- esp. after READING twilight, i liked edward in the movie- but he didn't hypnotize me like he did in the book!

Leslie said...

I love it. I do have to say that those pictures may stick with me...HOT. I love the blood-sucking leeches comment.

I think I lucked out...no screaming teenagers in our group. Just screaming 30 year olds. The one benefit of going to the midnight showing is that I was able to enjoy it in silence.

I went in with the reality that movies are never as good as books. Edward is still much hotter in my mind. But, sadly, I have been foaming at the mouth...can't wait to see it again.

Chris said...

what the crap?

Chris said...

not just girls read your bloggy blog, Orb.

Abby said...

See, Chris? See?! I KNEW you would be embarassed!

Do you even KNOW what Twilight is?

;)

Abby said...

Thanks, Leslie and Chelsea, I knew I couldn't be the only one.
;)

Kimba said...

I can't be "bewitched" by him, because i can't get over his hair. Have you seen any interviews he's done? Looks like he stuck his head in a vacuum hose and then walked on stage. Drives me insane.

Mellanee said...

Stick to the classics, Belina. It's a much safer place. It's much better than this fuzzy Twilightness. Moby Dick, for example, isn't fuzzy.

Lloyd said...

Geeezzzzzzzz!!!!! ABBY!! Have Brian call me, and stick to only books with pictures.

Lloyd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abby said...

Moby Dick has no ROMANCE, mom! ROMANCE!

Plus, this is all your fault. You're the one that got me started on Gone With The Wind.

So THERE!

Abby said...

Plus, mom and dad, Leslie understands me.

Kjersti said...

I went and saw the movie and liked it- I think. Jay and I went to Gateway 8 here in Bountiful, and the sound was really garbled. The whole movie we had to listen to the garbled speaking and translate what they were probably saying. Also, the audience we saw it with wasn't overly excited about seeing the show, in fact, some people were laughing at parts that weren't supposed to be funny. So I enjoyed it, but I know what you mean about it not having the same pull as the book.

Leslie said...

Oh, Kim, you are so right. I saw an interview with him on the Today show and not only was his hair disgusting but he couldn't answer a question. He needs a script next time.

With that said, at least his hair was good in the movie...

Tanya said...

i enjoyed the movie. though i am team jacob. i get what you mean about edward though...he wasn't what i would have pictured either. that is probably good for your marriage from the sounds of things.

Kristy said...

So when I first read the Twilight books (well...every time I read them I should say) I become a total zombie and I'll sit at work staring out the window just thinking of Edward. And no matter how many times I read them I find myself glued to the book even though it's past 4 am and I have work the next day. So I totally understand what you go through. And during the movie I don't think my sappy smile EVER left my face. Even during the tense parts it was there because Edward came. (sorry for the long comment)

Camille and Paul said...

I love Hayden Christensen and James...good picks! I agree with you completely! Loved your post, it was hilarious!