For instance, when Lydia was first born, I kept a log of her feedings, documenting exactly what time she began eating, on what side she was nursing from, and for how long. I also documented the size and color of every dirty or wet diaper.
This went on for about a week, until I said to my mom, "I think we're a little over the top with the list thing." She looked at me, her exasperation thinly veiled, and blurted, "Ya think?!"
Another example: Since before Lydia came home from the hospital, there has been a sign by our doorbell asking visitors to "Please knock, baby sleeping." When the original sign got blown away, instead of just letting it go, I made a new one, bright orange this time, and made sure to add extra strips of tape to ensure its permanence.
For a long time, we didn't even dare flush the toilets when Lydia was sleeping. We are still terrified of getting ice out of the ice machine, running the garbage disposal, or starting a load of laundry while our angel dozes. If we watch TV while she's sleeping, we have it turned down so low that we have to ask each other what House just said, what Booth just whispered to Bones.
When we were in Utah, I so vehemently defended her sleep that I probably almost got myself booted out of my husband's family. My poor in-law's couldn't even shut a door without receiving a glare from my blood shot, sleep deprived eyes and hearing me hiss "Shhhhh!" like a dadgum snake.
As we left her four month checkup, I was scheduling Lydia's next visit and the nurse gave me several available times. "No," I said. "None of those are good. They are exactly during her morning and afternoon naps." The nurse looked at me, incredulous.
"I know," I replied. "I'm the Nap Nazi."
And she didn't respond.
On Sunday I went to a friend's house to help her with a quilt she was making for her fifth baby, a boy who was born one week after Lydia. When I got there, the baby was in his swing. The other kids were in and out of the house, doors were slamming, and there was a general hubbub that you would imagine in any house with five kids. I'll be darned if I didn't look over in the middle of it all and that kid was sound asleep. No blanket. No dark, silent bedroom.
Sleeping. Like a baby.
And I thought it was super weird.
Why? Because I'm new at this. And I don't know what I'm doing.
And I am desperate to do everything "right".
Whatever that means.