Monday, November 9, 2009

Pregnancy Ponderings

In this edition of Pregnancy Ponderings:

-Hee Hee Hoo

-Out of the Mouths of Babes


Hee Hee Hoo

Last week Brian and I began to take part in that ceremonial rite known as Lamaze Class.

Here are some stats for you:

Number of pregnant women in the class: 9

Number of married pregnant women in the class: 3

Number of couples older than Brian and me (28 and 25): 1

Number of pregnant women who are 15 years old: 2

Age of the mother of one of those pregnant 15 year olds, who is also her Lamaze partner: 39

Call me old fashioned, but these stats make me very sad.


During a break in the class, we were given a packet with a Lamaze magazine, some coupons, and some samples. While waiting for class to resume, I read the magazine. These people are serious about birthin' those babies, and birthin' em natural like, too. Now, I have no problem with natural childbirth. I dare say I'd like to give it a go myself, but heck, I've never done this before, what the crap do I know? I won't be surprised if one contraction hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm begging for death.

Anyway, back to the magazine. The article I was reading was about taking charge of your birthing experience and not letting anyone push you into making decisions or getting medication you're not comfortable with.

After all, the magazine said, "Childbirth is an experience that is not to be missed."

Well, I'll be sure and mark my calendar then. I sure wouldn't want to be absent for the birth of my child.

Thank you, Lamaze magazine. Your genius astounds me.


Out of the Mouths of Babes


Those durned primary kids sure do come up with some doozies. Last night as I lay in bed, desperately (and I do mean desperately) trying to fall asleep, I compiled a mental list of all the gnarly things those little people have said or done over the course of my pregnancy.

Unfortunately, doing this did not have the soporific effect I was hoping for. Instead, I began giggling, and had to put my head under a pillow so I wouldn't wake Brian.

One Sunday, obscenely early in the pregnancy, one of the kids came up to me as I was standing in a circle of chatting adults. "Are you pregnant?" he asked, all innocence and big brown eyes. Well, that adult conversation ended very quickly, I can assure you. And heck, I couldn't lie to the little tyke. With his suspicions confirmed, he ran through the halls, running up to any adult that would pay attention to him, "Sister Roberts is having a BABY! Sister Roberts is having a BABY!" Finally, he reached my poor, unsuspecting husband. "Brother Roberts, did you know your wife is pregnant?!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Another day, another child. Months later, I was passing out papers to the primary kids. A mother was in with her little girl that day and as I got close to them the mother said, "Hailee wants to know if you're only halfway pregnant because you don't look all the way pregnant yet." Hailee, apparently, was too shy to ask me herself.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When my grandmother passed away in August I went to Utah and spent the month there. I came back looking noticeably more pregnant. Upon my return, I was in the primary getting ready to teach Sharing Time. A hand was raised. "Did you go away to have your baby in Utah?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday after church, I was talking with a parent as her little girl, McKenna, hovered close by. She was staring intently at my bulging belly during the conversation and finally, not being able to resist the urge any longer, she reached out and patted it. "Is there a little baby in there?", she asked. I told her that yes, there was. Then she leaned in a little closer, got a very stern look in her eye and asked, "Did you marry someone?" I had to try not to laugh, but I told her yes, I did. Then, with that same stern look on her little face, she said, "That's good. I was just making sure."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In closing, because of my propensity to sit around and take the most unflattering pictures of myself possible, here is one that will really make you feel good about yourself.



18 comments:

Kimba said...

aha! i love that picture! LOVE IT. unflattering, my EYE.

i just love little kids! my favorite comment of all time was when i was newly pregnant, with big new boobs and everything, and one of my sunbeams sat on my lap, smiled coyly, and whispered (not so softly) "i like your boobs!"

turleybenson said...

You are so funny, Abby!! I love that picture.

Jessica and Reecey said...

Oh dear. We had some gems in our lamaze class too. My personal favorite was a couple who asked numerous questions about nipple stimulation. Ironically, the woman had a tattoo of a naked woman on her ankle, and that naked woman had very large boobs. Good luck with the hee hee hooing- Reece and I almost got kicked out because we always cracked up in the middle of the "contractions"

Steph said...

I love that kids just tell it like they see it. No padding or cushion. They are so adorable, I miss primary kids.

The stats....very very sad. Not much more to say than that :(

Having a baby natural....very very painful. In a nutshell :O

The drugs....very very good. Not much more to say about that either :)

Good luck with that decision!!

Lloyd said...

Why would ANYONE in this day and age put themself through natural childbirth? Granted, it is one of the most wonderful moments in any parents life. Why insist on being in pain when you have the choice of being "comfortable?" I dont get it.

Abby said...

Well, Dad. I for one, don't exactly thrill at the idea of not being able to feel anything from the waste down. I probably will when I'm in labor, but to think about it now, it freaks me out. Makes me feel out of control.

The Boys Rule said...

You are sooo right. I actually DO feel better about myself after that picture. Thanks for the boost.

Martha Lee said...

I have to respond to dad as well. Men do things all the time to prove they are manly enough and I think one of the reasons many women say they did it is to way they were woman enough. I choose to do partial drugs, i.e. drugs but no epidural because (like Abby) I did not like the ideal of being numb or the big needle in my back or the idea of having it only half work like it did with my sister once.

OK long comment. It was a fun blog to read. I have to say the picture weirded me out a little.

Abby said...

Lori, you pill. Why don't you ever update your stinkin' blog?

Abby said...

Mar Mar, that picture weirds me out more than a little.

Madeline and Family said...

You are so funny! I love reading your blog. It is so funny to read your thoughts from behind the belly ;)

Chris said...

Wait, so did Bri find out you were pregers via the primary student?

Jocelyn and Cody Pehrson said...

Abby, I had the same thoughts around the exact same time as you about having the baby "natural." I never took a lamaze class but I did just finish my birthing classes. The best advice they gave me was keep an open mind to anything. For instance, I am going to go as far as I think I can handle, then if I feel I need it, I won't feel guilty asking for some medicine or even an epidural at some point. Sometimes the pain can cause your labor to go longer than necessary. Where as, when you get meds you can relax a little and then the baby just pops out shortly after. There's all different kinds too, you don't have to be immobile. Sorry so long, it is on my mind as well.

Adam and Tara said...

We haven't started the lamaze classes but I'm crossing my fingers it's something like what I saw in Baby Momma..."Hey-oooo"!

Leslie said...

LOVE the belly!

While I think that every new mom and pop has to take a Lamaze class just for the experience, it is a big fat waste of time. You forget everything anyway and the nurse in the room will just walk you through the breathing all over again.

And as for getting meds, just don't wait too long because if you do you won't be able to get any! Trust me, it has happened to many people I know.

LOVE the primary kids! They really do say the funniest things. And you are smart to write them down!

Abby said...

Chris, no, that's not how Brian found out, thank heavens. Brian found out, officially, by the nurse calling the house and saying, "Hello, daddy!" which was fine, since we both suspected as much anyway.

Abby said...

Leslie,

I was just out to lunch with some friends who said the same thing; that you forget everything when it comes right down to it. Some of them did say, though, that the breathing exercises did help them during their labor.

I have learned several important things though that I didn't know before. For instance, when you're in labor, you need to make sure you go to the bathroom every hour or so, because if your bladder is too full, the pressure from the baby's head can block it, resulting in severe pain (on top of labor pains) and the need for a catheter. I DID NOT KNOW THIS! And heck, who needs MORE pain? ;)

heather said...

i did have some witty commentary to the entire post but the picture has taken me aback a bit. you are bold my friend, bold. THAT is why there is love from me to you.