Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pregnancy Ponderings

In this edition of Pregnancy Ponderings:

-Sleeping Arrangements

-On Being a World

Sleeping Arrangements

The thought that preoccupies my mind is this: where is the best place for my child to sleep?

And seriously. Where SHOULD she sleep?

My two options are as follows:

1. In a bassinet near our bed.
2. In her crib in her nursery.

I know people are going to say I should go with my instincts and do what feels right, which is excellent advise, but in the end, I'm not getting a whole lot of information. I suppose what I'm looking for is someone to tell me what they think of me putting my days-old, precious angel down the hall in her own crib to sleep. We're talking alone. In her own room. With her own stuff. What have you moms done? What has worked best for you, your partner, and your baby?

I want to get her started off in her own room. There will be less transitioning for her and for all of us. Not to mention more sleep for the dad who gets to pay for all the diapers.

Call me a mean mom if you must, and then, when you are done, tell me what you think of my decision.

I'm tough. Because mean moms have to be.

On Being A World (or something like one)

It occurred to me the other day that I am a small planet, maybe a bio dome, perhaps a greenhouse. It hit me that if I don't live, neither does my baby.

If I don't breath, have a beating heart, have neurons transmitting and myelin sheaths shooting, my baby doesn't make it. How many small miracles are happening every second to keep me alive, I wonder. And now they are happening for two.

I am a world. A big dumb, blundering, world. I don't control the science of it. I don't tell my body to work, to pump, to build or create.

My body is a house, a house for two souls and a house for miracles.

And I do believe I know where these miracles come from:

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave my my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart;
I thank Him reverently
For all his creations,
Of which I'm a part.
I know Heavenly Father loves me.
And that goes for all y'all.
If you'd like to hear the whole song, this is a beautiful video with music by Amy Gileadi.


Chris said...

I think Martha thought that it was better, as long as Joe was waking up at night to get some food, that he sleep in a cradle in our room. But as soon as he could sleep through the night, then we moved him into his own room (around six weeks or two months), and he never knew the difference. Now he loves his crib and will play in there by himself after he wakes up from his naps.

turleybenson said...

Well, you need sleep too! And to that end, I recommend keeping baby next to your bed, as in, you don't even have to stand up to retrieve her. You will wake up as soon as she is starting to realize she wants to eat (trust me), causing almost no disruption for the babydaddy, who will most likely sleep through it all like a baby. Except waaaaaay better than a baby.

After a few months, yes, move her into her room. Transitions for babies usually take a night or two, then it's like it's been that way all along. No big whoop.

JC and Aim said...

That's a tough decision. So many people do different things. My advice depends on one thing. Are you going to breastfeed? If so it might be easier for your baby to co-sleep with you guys at first. The baby will be right there in the comfort of your own bed. And when the time comes for her to go to her own room it shouldn't be too difficult a transition unless she stays in your room for a year then it might be.
For us personally my friend gave me a cradle that fits nicely right next to our bed.
Good luck on your decision.

Jack & Lindsay Chang said...

THAT IS MY VERY FAVORITE PRIMARY SONG! I am thinking of embroidering it on something...just a thought I am holding onto once I have the time and energy! Well, I am new at this mommy stuff, but I have liked having Ginger sleep in our room. I like the peace of mind and the easy access it gives. Once there is some sort of pattern established I will probably move her to the other room.

Brit Bennion said...

I thought that I knew exactly what I wanted for Matt's sleeping arrangements. Too bad he wasn't on the same page as me. He had acid reflux and ended up sleeping in his swing in our bedroom forever! You just have to do whatever it takes to survive!

Kimba said...

So guess what? You can totally change it up! Nothing is concrete, if you don't like it, you just do something else.

I know, novel!

So I'm agreeing with most everyone I think, when I say at least keep her in your room for the first few nights. You'll be the most tired, she'll be the most new, and you can kind of figure things out together with her being right next to you. If, after a little bit you decide you want to try putting her in her room, do it. If you don't like it, bring her back in. No worries!

I think it'll all depend on the kind of sleeper / eater she is. If she's like Wyatt, you might decide it's easier to keep her close for all the night feedings for a while. If she's like so many other babies who like, slept at night for a good 5 hours, you might decide she's okay in another room, and you don't mind getting up once or twice.

If that happens, I will be so happy for you. :) So jealous, but so happy.

Tara said...

I know I'm a minority in this, but it worked so much better for me to have her in her room very early on. During the first couple of nights we kept Adalyn next to the bed in her bassinet so I could reach her easily to nurse when she was hungry, but I found that I woke up at every noise she made and didn't sleep well. Also, I would fall asleep during the nursing (which was nice) but then she would end up nursing on and off all night, rather than in individual feedings. That's a tough habit to break if you want to sleep train.

After a couple of days of this (and mild psychoness from me) I moved her into her own room and it was the best decision for me! I did have to fully wake up for feedings, but then I had really good sleep between them. I figured if she was really hungry, she could let me know, but I didn't have to be aware of every gurgle and hiccup and grunt of her whole night.

I think having her in her own crib made sleep training a little easier and she was sleeping 8-hour stretches consistently at 3 weeks old! By six weeks, we could just put her in her crib while she was awake and she could fall asleep on her own.

The downside of this is that she would never sleep outside her crib. Never in the stroller, rarely in a carseat, and never in my arms or on our bed with us. In my opinion, it's a small price to pay for the ease of getting her to go to bed so easily. Still today, she will let me know when she wants to take a nap or go to bed at night!

I also agree with Kim that you can go back and forth. Having her sleep next to you may not be so annoying to you as it was to me. And lots of moms have a hard time not being right next to their babies, which was no problem for me.

Abby said...

I like that all of you responders are parents, and that you're all pretty much on the same page. This is all making me feel much more calm. Thank you!

heather said...

Like everyone, first few nights to weeks keep her in your room. They really aren't shaken up by any type of change in sleeping arangement. You'll be so tired in the middle of the night you'll want her there so you can feed her and go back to sleep without walking into walls. (speaking from experience.) All my kids were started this way and I didn't have a problem at all. Isn't it a lot easier when they are just cozy in their own little bio-dome?

Oh and the bows, I make them. Imagine that. I just buy ribbon, tie a bow then stick it in with Karo syrup. Others use KY jelly but I'm sticking with the syrup. Quite easy and very inexpensive considering each spool of ribbon is .47!

Leslie said...

Ok, you have a plethora of comments, but I am ALL FOR the baby sleeping THEIR ROOM. Seriously, you will never get sleep if you don't. And I highly recommend reading "The Baby Whisperer." I swear by it. Cam was my hardest when it came to sleeping because I didn't know all of the great tricks to help them. I did everything wrong. Had him in my room, rocked him to sleep, let him sleep with us, etc. etc.

I can tell you that ALL of my kids were and still are great sleepers and I swear it is because of that book. Ok, not just the book. I had to do what it said so I guess I get SOME credit.

And the whole "Do what you think is best" saying is great in theory but I didn't know WHAT was best, or what my gut was telling me with my first. My guts had no clue!

Also, give her a bottle sooner than later. So you can go out. AND get a pump. An electric one because the hand-held pumps dry out your milk fast. I know you aren't going to work or anything but trust me, you will want to leave the little kiddo or you may just want to give Brian a turn at night. Frozen breastmilk lasts for 6 months. It is a GOOD idea. Trust me.

I could go on and on so just call me and let me know when you will be back in Utah so we can throw you a shower!!

The Kilpacks said...

I agree! Have her close to you for the first 6-8 weeks or so and then move on. Do what works'll figure it out!

Steph said...

When I had Gage my mom told me that even though it was hard, I would get the most sleep letting him sleep in his own far away. Even though it was so hard to think he was so far away and I felt like I was being mean. She was right! Babies grunt and grown while they sleep, they move and make little baby noises. Every time the baby makes a noise you wake up because you think they need something. It is really hard to get a sound sleep when you are really only half asleep waiting for the next little noise or grunt. Believe me when she is hungry you will hear her from down the hall.

I never had any of my babies sleep in the same room as me. I started every single one of them in their own crib down the hall. No baby monitor either. I slept great! Whats even better is my ears seem to work better because of it. Now that they are big I can hear everything. No matter where they sleep. I am quick with the puke bucket when they are sick because I can usually hear them before they even get out of bed.

In the end. You really have to do what feels best for you. It is hard to know what is right or wrong because everyone is different. If you try something and it doesn't work just try something new.

My advice is if you let her sleep in your room, don't let her sleep in your bed with you. It will make it really difficult later when transitioning to being in a crib alone.

Good luck with your decision:)

Anonymous said...

I believe in the first several weeks of life your baby will be trying to feel you out.....trying to find a sense of security in you....trying to prove that she can trust you and you will take care of her!....she will want to be close and I think instinctually, you will want her close as well. Yes, you will want sleep and I think that you will get what you need but once she is born and you hold her for several days in the hospital you will not want to send her packing down the hall immediately when all this time you have waited and wanted just to be with her and to hold her and to look at her....yes....even in the middle of the night! I can't believe I am saying this because I tossed my little one down the hall at the ripe old age of three months, as soon as they are old enough to self soothe, because I wanted my bed, sleep patterns and personal space all back to normal ASAP....and it was a great decision but still even a little unerving at three months....even after wanting to move her out of our room during the ENTIRE three months. I didn't read all of the comments so I don't know if anyone mentioned the ferber(sp?)method for sleeping but that is what I started at three months and it was the perfect time for transition and worked like a there is my two cents! I wouldn't be too eager to make the call yet though......just wait until you meet her!!!!!;)-Brooke

Abby said...

Les, I did read "The Baby Whisperer" and loved it. In fact, I had never even THOUGHT of putting the baby directly in her own room until I had read that, and when I did I thought "What a great idea!"

I so appreciate everybody's input. I really enjoy hearing what worked for each person. I'm glad to hear that some HAVE put the baby in their nursery immediately and that it has worked well. I am also glad to have the reassurance that I can play it by ear. If I put her in her crib and I or she hates it, we can change it.

I'm so anxious to see what happens!

Kaylynn said...

I always slept better when my kids were in their own room. Little babies make a lot of noise even when they are asleep. They grunt a lot. With Luke, we kept him in the room with us for about six weeks, then it was in his own room, but in the same cradle (the same cradle that Joe slept in.) With Anakin, we were living with my parents at the time, so he slept in our same room until we moved (he was two months). With GG, I had her in her own room almost immediately (like as soon as we got home.) She slept through the night at about 2 weeks (I know lucky me.) With GG, I also had the hospital take her that first night and sleep in the nursery instead of in my room, and I slept really well, with no guilt. I recovered really fast with her because I slept a lot at night, and took my naps every day. Sometimes it learning how to take care of yourself, while you are also taking care of another human being.

Tanya said...

Here's what worked for me. In a bassinet for the first month next to the bed. Then to their own crib after that. I have read lots of books on sleep and the one that worked the best for me was "The No-Cry sleep solution." Saved my life! Good luck. Oh what a wonderful mom you will be!

Tanya said...

i used simplicity 5213 sz. xxs for the pattern. i changed the bodice and the sleeves but it is a really good basic pattern.

Tanya said...

so i was just thinking. you and brian come up here for a weekend. you and i make a blessing dress for your sweet baby:o) what do you think.

Camille and Paul said...

Baby sleeping decision: If you are anything like me you may experience this: In the beginning you want to make sure the baby is breathing, getting enough to eat, and that you can get to the baby and back to sleep in as little effort as necessary. I had Jackson in a little bassinet/pack n play/changing station table that was tucked up right next to my bed. It made feeding/changing times so easy in the middle of the night. Then around two months I moved him out to his own room and he was just fine with it. I did take day time naps in his crib to get him acclimated to the idea before I moved him over permanently. It worked great!

My sister moves the baby out as soon as possible, so I think you will probably have to wait and see: How comfortably you/spouse sleep at night with baby in your room, and also how loud your baby is when it is sleeping. That can actually have a lot to do with your decision. Trial and Error. You will figure it out. That is my two cents. :)

I loved your planet peace. It was beautiful. If I would have read it through once more I am sure I would have cried! :)

Jessica and Reecey said...

Lola slept in our room for the first three weeks, and then I decided to let her try her room on for size. After all, her room is the coolest room in the house. I must say that I got MUCH more sleep when she was in her room. I'm a light sleeper, so when she was next to me I woke up with every little sound (and apparently she is just like her dad in the sense that she is louder when she's sleeping than she is when she's awake). My parental philosophy goes something like this: try it out, see what works and go with it.

The end.

Kari said...

(I read most of the posts, but honestly there are so many, I started skimming, so if I am repeating, I'm sorry...)

Once you've had a few kids, you know what to do, but you don't know what to do with the first, so I think it is great to ask. I didn't ask anyone and I was all alone in a tiny little house. Our first was in a squeeky bassinet next to us. I got up with him each time he needed to eat. Feeding IN the bed was not an option because I would fall asleep because I was so sleep deprived and then I was afraid I would roll over him and squash him. After he learned how to kick, the squeekyness got to dad, and he one day picked up the whole thing and moved it out in the middle of the night, baby and all. I knew that was the end of it. I wasn't sad, I was laughing the whole time. My problem was, I didn't know when to put an end to the whole night-time feeding thing. I was the one who let it go on because I was afraid of "what if he got hungry?" FINALLY when he was 6 months old, I put him in his room and closed the door, and I went to my room and closed the door. He was still alive in the morning, and happy too! I kicked myself for a week for that one. My other kids slept through the night at 1 month. They didn't get the stupid bassinet, the other kids all slept in laundry baskets. The last child slept on the floor once she grew out of it because we didn't even have room for her! (Our house was very small!)

Anyway, my advice is, 1 month tops in your room unless there are underlying issues. They she can go to her own room. I think that you should get UP to feed the baby and leave the room to feed so dad can sleep. You can sleep during the day when she sleeps, esp since you don't have other childern yet. I have heard from MANY parents that let their children sleep in the bed with them, it is very hard for the parents to break the habit of the child in the bed. (NOT A GOOD THING!)

Sorry for the novel, good luck!

Abby said...

Kari, I love your novel.

And I love you even more after reading it. Thank you.