There have been many times throughout my life when I have heard women say that they 'just knew' that they were going to have a boy or a girl, that they felt 'close' to their children while they were in utero, and that they even knew things about their kid's personalities before they were born.
Well, I'm here to tell you, I've got nothin'.
Or do I? I talked to a sister about this, a sister who swears she knew her kids before they were born. I asked her how this was possible. She said it was through journaling. She journaled her thoughts and experiences throughout her pregnancies, and when the kids were born, she was right on the money. She encouraged me to journal throughout my pregnancy as well.
So I gave it a shot.
My first entry was penned a night or two after my grandmother passed away, and I wrote to my unborn babe about that incredible woman. I wrote about the legacy she left behind and the wonderful things she did in her life. I wrote that I thought maybe my grandma was looking after my future kids up there in heaven. And as I wrote, I felt a strong kinship with the women in my family; not only my Grandma Kathleen, but my Grandma Lydia as well, along with their mothers, grandmothers, and their sisters, and my own mother, mother-in-law, sisters and on. I thought of the wonderful women I could teach this little babe of mine about. I thought of our family of women, woven into the fabric of a beautiful quilt.
And as I have dreamed those strange pregnant dreams throughout these past 20 weeks, my baby has always been a girl. This is recorded as well.
But do I know my child? Know she is a girl?
I didn't until today, when I lay there on an exam table, covered with blankets, and watched my little girl wriggle across the TV screen before me.
Yes, it's true. Our little one is no longer a 'one' or an 'it' or a 'Leon'. She is our little girl, and one who will grow into a woman and join the ranks of all those who have gone before.
Did I know it all along without knowing I knew?